Self-Honesty

This time I want to talk about self-honesty. I don’t know if there is such a word because I did not search for the meaning of this when I am writing this.  But I guess, the word explains itself which tells being honest to yourself.

“To know yourself, ask the people around you.”

That what other people say. But I think, there is only one who can identify yourself far better than the others’ tell about you, and that is you, YOURSELF. And for the quotation above, I may revise that into “To know a bit of yourself, ask other people.”

People around you only see a bit of who you really are and not the whole YOU. People see things in you when you are with them. Your friends only know some of your attitudes when you are with them or hanging out with them. But they do not know beyond when you are not with them. Your teachers know how you behave in classroom but not in the house. Your parents know a little true of your personality when you speak to them not when you are not sharing something about you. All the things they see in you are partially real and partially not. Your friends think that you are kind, thoughtful, boastful or dependable. Your teachers see you as troublesome, an asset of the society or just a liability. Your parents believe that you are studious, hardworking or lazy in your study.

The only person who can truly confirm those judgments is YOU as long as pretention does not interfere in your decision. For me, pretending is an act of sugarcoating yourself and, I think, it’s far worse than being untrustworthy.

In my case, it was my habit hiding my true feeling even to myself. I tried to show the feeling that I am okay even though I am not. I always tell to my friends that I had nothing to worry even an obvious problem is on the run. I felt the scraping guilt pierced in my conscience because of not being true.  Myself, sometimes, can’t trust himself. What I am worrying is the trust of others. How could they give their trust to me if myself can’t trust me? So, I told to myself this should not happen. I must be true especially to myself. With that realization, I feel uplifted whenever I display the true me. I feel lying in a cloud of comfort. I feel a big boulder chained in my feet had unlatched. I am free. I feel an absolute freedom.

People pretend to preserve themselves. An act to experience pure goodness. But with that action, people also forget and tend to go away with the very first and foremost goodness they must cultivate which is being true and honest to yourself or simple self-honesty. A goodness that is not only preserved by you when you develop it but also a precious thing that will be treasured by everybody when you care showing it to them.